If we consider the cost-benefit analysis of social comparison, we undoubtedly notice that its greatest cost is not the comparative distance between ourselves and others, but the practices’ devastating loss to our own happiness.
The following takes the form of a personal reminder letter, which is surprisingly dark and dripping with healthy sarcasm. Not sure yet if I like this style – but it was fun to write.
Dear Mathew,
I have some advice that is guaranteed to make you unhappy. Whenever you can, compare your own success with the success of others.
There are infinite opportunities to compare yourself to others. Instagram, TicTok, Facebook, and the many other social media platforms have made this incredibly easy. They offer curated snippets of acquaintances’ successes, moments of humour, and polished lives. Consider why every moment of your life isn’t the same. Chalk it up to your own personal failure and let the healthy feelings of shame flow.
If you can’t find the opportunity here, consider your workplace. Here you can compare yourself with those colleagues that have been promoted ahead of you. Or you could compare yourself to the less competent colleague who just took another job for 30% more than what you’re making right now.
Make sure you do not place any attention on those who have had less success than yourself. That might make you feel grateful for how much you have and how lucky you’ve been in the opportunities you’ve been given. Remember that those with more success than you at this moment have simply been unfairly lucky. Your success, on the other hand, has been completely based on sheer competency. This egoistic worldview will take you far and make you many friends.
If you are not unhappy yet, consider narrating self-stories in your head about how you’re falling behind the success of your friends and colleagues. Think about this ideally all the time. In the shower and in the middle of the night are perfect opportunities. The more you dwell on these thoughts the more shame you feel and the more energy the shame draws from your reserves.
In summary, there are three key ways to make sure you remain in this unhappy state:
- Define success by those who have a little more than you at this moment – otherwise you might realize that what you have in this moment is more than enough
- Never feel grateful for where you are now – that leads to a happy contentment
- Do not celebrate the success of others. And if a social nicety requires you to do this, make sure you fake it. Just make sure it never becomes genuine – that might increase your soul-filling loving kindness.
If this advice doesn’t yet make you unhappy, then consider this your happy loss. Congratulations, you’re probably one of the lucky, successful few we can all choose to envy next.
(In)sincerely,
Mathew
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