It’s time for us to stop pretending. There are just some dreams we’re holding on to that we’ll never get done. If we want to find freedom and more happiness, it’s time to let them go.
For many years, I’ve held onto many dreams that I managed to just never plan or do. Yet, here they are, on my todo list, vision boards, or at least in the back of my mind as things I will eventually get to.
I’ve gotten romanced by the stories (I created) of realizing these dreams. Wouldn’t it feel so good if I completed that alternative music album? If I finished the basement, I could create that work space I’ve always dreamed of. I’m going to run the Boston Marathon, I’ve just got to start that running routine I’ve been meaning to start for the last 5 years.
Facts are facts; if you’ve been holding on to dreams for a long time and still haven’t started them, there’s a good chance you’ll never do them. And this is likely a good thing.
Many of us feel like there is pressure to achieve more than we possibly can. We need to be great parents, highly accomplished athletes, respected in our careers, and valued community contributors – all at the same time.
So we pile on the dreams (and exhaustion) of being exceptional in all areas of our lives forgetting the age old wisdom of “Jack of all trades” (is a master of none).
Instead, so many of us, like me, carry these dreams around every day in the hope that sooner or later we’ll get the time, motivation, money or health to get started and complete it. And by doing so, we set ourselves up for failure, disappointment and fatigue.
Todo Spring Cleaning
There is a path toward some liberation. And it’s simple.
Here’s how.
Create a Breakup List
- Conduct a brain dump of all of the tasks and dreams that come to you
- Once you have that list, ask yourself the following questions of the ones that have been on your list for more than 6 months:
- Am I actively working towards this goal?
- Will I start actively working towards this goal today?
- If you answered “No” to both questions above, for each of those dreams, it’s likely time for a breakup.
The Breakup
Breaking up is never easy. You’ve become so familiar with “your” dreams and projects that they feel like they’re part of your identity. And everything in you will likely want to hold on.
Don’t hold on to projects and dreams of the past just because you got used to them being there. This could likely be a more general life principle – but hey that’s a little outside this article’s scope.
To do the things you really care about you’ve got to let go. This is not a task of killing your dreams; its a task of finding what’s really meaningful to you, right now, today.
But to find some extra lightness in your life, you’ll need to find a way to accept that you may never complete these projects/tasks. It’s time, in effect, to mourn their passing, celebrate what they’ve brought your life and move on.
I like to make this a bit of a ritual, because with any change, it’s good to take a moment to note it.
The “Todon’t” List
For me, I like to make “todon’t” lists. It goes like this:
- List out all the dreams, projects and tasks that I am leaving behind (and clear them out of any task / project management tools I’m currently using)
- For each item, I add a small note as to why I’m leaving it behind. This really helps in case you ever return to one of these dreams, projects and wonder if you’re walking down an old path.
- I file this list in an archive (just in case – I’m a bit risk averse if you can’t tell :)). For me, this archive is in Notion.
Alternatively, you can come up with your own dream ending ritual. I know people who write all their dreams on a list and then burn the list as a symbolic way of ending their personal hold. But if you don’t fall on the pyromaniac spectrum, do something that’s true for you. The trick is to let those dreams and projects go.
However you do this ritual of letting go, you’ll probably find, like me, that everything seems just a little more manageable and a little more focused. This is because you just cleared up brainspace you’ve been using to work on these dreams – which can now be put towards those dreams you really do want to accomplish.
